profile 2nd draft

Krystal Bettencourt

The Person I look up to.

            Throughout life people go through experiences. Yeah some are planned and carefully organized, but some happen because it’s meant to happen. But some stick with us and some we live and learn from. A Portuguese man, that came here from the Azores’ that didn’t know much English. That is a hard worker, respectful, kind, brave, and loving is the person I look up to, my dad.

        Ever since I could remember my dad has worked is but off for everything he has to day. He said “I have been working since the age of 16; I never went to school your grandfather had me working with the cows and in the fields planting food.” And I believe what he says because my grandmother used to tell me stories. My father never stops he’s always doing something. The thing he says all the time is “As long as I can do it, I will do it.

         Even though my father wasn’t here legally he still worked. He would do side job for people he knew after work or even on the weekends. I use to get upset because my brother and I would hardly see my father because he would always be working. But then he got married to my mother and he became legal here in the United States.

        After being here for so long and working so hard like he does my father has his own business. He does construction. He does everything; well to me I think so. He can build a house, he does concrete, and he always has his own plowing business to for the snow.

        One day my dad was working and was cutting wood on a table saw and he cut his finger. My is so brave that he tied cloth around his finger and took himself to the ER. When he got there the doctor said that he was crazy bringing himself. My father cut his middle finger and half of it was hanging off. But not once did I see my father cry. But I was crying because I was nervous and scared and I will never forget what my dad told me he said “Krystal don’t worry dad is fine this is nothing, it’s just a little thing, I’ll be back to work in a few days.” And he was right, not even week goes by and there’s my dad at work with his workers.

        Not once didn’t I ever here him complain about anything. He never complained about his finger hurting or how his finger never went back to normal. Till this day he doesn’t complain. He was always positive about everything. He never lets anything get to him just like he said “In one ear out the other”. This man is brave, loving, respectful, hard worker, and had a lot of courage. This is why my father is the person I look up too and I’m not ashamed to say it.

post write

didnt really know what needed work on because didnt get my peer review.

Profile first draft and post write

Krystal Bettencourt

The Person I look up to.

            Throughout life people go through experiences. Yeah some are planned and carefully organized, but some happen because it’s meant to happen. But some stick with us and some we live and learn from. A Portuguese man, that came here from the Azores’ that didn’t know much English. That is a hard worker, respectful, kind, brave, and loving is the person I look up to, my dad.

        Ever since I could remember my dad has worked is but off for everything he has to day. He said “I have been working since the age of 16; I never went to school your grandfather had me working with the cows and in the fields planting food.” And I believe what he says because my grandmother used to tell me stories. My father never stops he’s always doing something. The thing he says all the time is “As long as I can do it, I will do it.

         Even though my father wasn’t here legally he still worked. He would do side job for people he knew after work or even on the weekends. I use to get upset because my brother and I would hardly see my father because he would always be working. But then he got married to my mother and he became legal here in the United States.

        After being here for so long and working so hard like he does my father has his own business. He does construction. He does everything; well to me I think so. He can build a house, he does concrete, and he always has his own plowing business to for the snow.

        One day my dad was working and was cutting wood on a table saw and he cut his finger. My is so brave that he tied cloth around his finger and took himself to the ER. When he got there the doctor said that he was crazy bringing himself. My father cut his middle finger and half of it was hanging off. But not once did I see my father cry. But I was crying because I was nervous and scared and I will never forget what my dad told me he said “Krystal don’t worry dad is fine this is nothing, it’s just a little thing, I’ll be back to work in a few days.” And he was right, not even week goes by and there’s my dad at work with his workers.

        Not once didn’t I ever here him complain about anything. He never complained about his finger hurting or how his finger never went back to normal. Till this day he doesn’t complain. He was always positive about everything. He never lets anything get to him just like he said “In one ear out the other”. This man is brave, loving, respectful, hard worker, and had a lot of courage. This is why my father is the person I look up too and I’m not ashamed to say it.

Post Write

I feel very strong about this piece of work because my father is someone special to me. There is no one who can compare to him. He is one person I can look up to because he came here with nothing and now has his own business and is doing well for himself and his family.

application essay 2nd draft and post write

Question: Write about anything.

school: umass lowell

Nurse

            Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to be a nurse. It has always been a dream of mine.  Even though being a nurse is a lot of reasonability, I think I would make a great nurse. I love and enjoy working with people and helping all those in need and I know that I can resume all responsibilities of being a nurse because I am a fun , loving , patient , understanding , caring , person , and most important a good listener.

            There are a lot of ways of being caring. I think being caring is important. For Example: When you show someone that you care it makes people look at you different and the person may open up to you more and feel more comfortable with you. I had a resident at work once who was having a difficult time breathing, I knew she was having a panic attic, so I sat on the side of her bed and talked to her and explained to her that everything was going to be okay and that she had to relax, I also explained that it was easier said than done but that I was there and that she was she would be fine and after 20 min. she was she was and she was grateful that I cared and she thanked me.           

             I’m very patient I think because when I work at a day care I would have infants that would cry all the time. I didn’t let that get to me, because I look at kids as that’s the only way they know how to tell us when something wrong. Some infants are sick, and cranky, and some are just like that all the time. You just have to know that there trying to let us no something and we have to do the best we can to comfort them. For example: When I was working with my residences and I had one lady who just kept on putting on the call light for every little thing. But I didn’t let her get to me. I just asked her what she needed, and helped her out.

            Being a quick reactor is always very important. You should be able to react to something when it happens. If you are the type of person who can’t react right away then I don’t think you should be a nurse. If you had a patient come into the hospital that was in critical condition you must react fast, because that patient’s life can depend on how fast you move.

            I’m a very quick reactor. One day I was at my father’s  house with my older brother, I saw that my father wasn’t looking  well , but when I asked him he said he was fine. All of a sudden he fell face first on the floor. My brother started screaming; I turned my dad over and checked if he was breathing. After that I tried waking him, I put a cold towel on his forehead. He started to wake up, and the ambulance came. When he went to the hospital they said he was having the beginning of a heart attack.

            Being a nurse to me is very important. I will make a great nurse because I’m caring, patient, a quick reactor, and loving. I think the main reason I want to be a nurse is because I love helping people and I love feeling appreciated. Also when my grandfather was really sick I was in the hospital for about a week. And I saw the nurses and how wonderful they treated my grandfather just made me want to be just like them. I know that it’s going to a challenge but if I put my mind to it I will be perfectly fine.

Post write

I think my essay is very good. i explaned why i should be a nurse and gave examples.

application essay 1st draft

Question: Write about anything.

Nurse

            Ever since I can remember, I always wanted to become a nurse. It has always been a dream of mine and still is.  Even though being a nurse is a lot of reasonability, I think I would make a great nurse. I love working with people and helping all those in need. I think that I for fill all qualifications of being a nurse. To be a nurse I think you should be caring, patient, loving, and understanding to patient needs. These are some reasons why I think I would be a great nurse.

            There are a lot of ways of being caring. I think being caring is important because when you show that you care it makes people look at you different. There is one incident in which I thought I was being caring. One day I was at work taking care of my residents, and one resident was down and crying. I sat down and talked to her for a half hour, me sitting there and listening to her made her feel a lot better and it made me happy to no , that me just being there and listening made her feel grateful and happy. Another way I’m caring is when my little sister was playing outside and fell off her bike, I ran over to her, and showed her little TLC. That is tender, love, and care.

            Being patient is also important to me. You should be patient because there are always patients in the hospital that are rude and disrespectful, but what some people don’t know is that there is a reason there acting that way, it  could be because there in pain or just lonely, sometimes it because there scared to say whats wrong with them or they think we just don’t care or no one will listen to them,or we won’t understand. It can even be a little kid who asks question or a kid who is always crying. That’s when you should have patient.

             I’m very patient I think because when I work at a day care I would have infants that would cry all the time. I didn’t let that get to me, because I look at kids as that’s the only way they know how to tell us when something wrong. Some infants are sick, and cranky, and some are just like that all the time. You just have to know that there trying to let us no something, and we have to do the best we can to comfort them.  Another incident I had was when I was working with my residences and I had one lady who just kept on putting on the call light for every little thing. But I didn’t let her get to me. I just asked her what she needed, and helped her out.

            Being a quick reactor is always very important. You should be able to react to something when it happens. If you are the type of person who can’t react right away then I don’t think you should be a nurse. If you had a patient come into the hospital that was in critical condition you must react fast, because that patient’s life can depend on how fast you move.

            I’m a very quick reactor. One day I was at my dad’s house with my older brother. I saw that my dad wasn’t looking very well, but when I asked him he said he was fine. All of a sudden he fell face first on the floor. My brother started screaming and freaking out, but me. I turned my dad over and checked if he was breathing. After that I tried waking him, I put a cold towel on his forehead. He started to wake up, and the ambulance came. When he went to the hospital they said he was having a beginning of a heart attack.

        Being a nurse to me is very important. I will make a great nurse because I’m caring, patient, a quick reactor, and loving. I think the main reason I want to be a nurse is because I love helping people and I love feeling appreciated. Also when my grandfather was really sick I was in the hospital for about a week. And I saw the nurses and how wonderful they treated my grandfather just made me want to be just like them. I know that’s it’s going to a challenge but if I put my mind to it I will be perfectly fine.

Post write

I think my essay is very good I gave example of how I was caring, patient and a loving.

this a believe 2nd draft

Family over Friends

            I believe in family over friends. Everyone has friends. They might be people you have known for your whole life or just a couple of months, or even people you look up to. Friends are people who you share a common interest with and people who you share memories with. They are people who you can talk to about problems or can help you when you need something. Friends are usually people who you can count on, right?

            On a cold winter day I was having dinner at my brother’s house. Mt brother and I got into a fight, and I stormed out of his house. I was so aggravated that I was driving like a nut. I wasn’t paying attention to the road and had tears coming down my face. On top of that it was pouring rain out. I could hardly see the road. So I was driving to my friend’s house, and all of a sudden I heard a big POP. I pulled over and got out of my car, went to look and I had a flat tire.  So I called my friend so that he could help me because it was dark out and raining. When I told him what happened he laughed and hung up the phone on my face. This was when I realized that I couldn’t count on friends, but that I could count on my family.

            So, I call my brother that I just got into a fight with. I explained to him what had happened, and he told me that he was on his way. It took him no less than 15 minutes to get there, and he helped me out. We removed the tire and put the spare tire. At first I thought that it was going to be weird between us because we just got into a fight, but it wasn’t. It was like we weren’t even mad at each other. That to me proved that there’s a much stronger relationship with family, and that they are more reliable than friends.

            I learned that day, that there are no such things as friends but acquaintances. But there will always be family. They are the ones who you can count one. There’re the ones who you could get into a fight with and they would still help you out. Families are the ones that you should trust, and the ones that won’t lie to you like your friends do. Families are the ones who show up at the hospital when you’re hurt or if you’re sick. Families are the ones who give you unconditional love. Family to me is important, and I don’t know who or where I would be without them.

I believe in family over friends.

post write

I think my paper is good. i believe that i put all the requirments that were on the checklist.

this i believe and post write 1 draft

Family over Friends

 

            I believe in family over friends. Everyone has friends. They might be people you have known for your whole life or just a couple of months, or even people you look up to. Friends are people who you share a common interest with and people who you share memories with. They are people who you can talk to about problems or can help you when you need something. Friends are usually people who you can count on, right?

            On a cold winter day I was having dinner at my brother’s house. Mt brother and I got into a fight, and I stormed out of his house. I was so aggravated that I was driving like a nut. I wasn’t paying attention to the road and had tears coming down my face. On top of that it was pouring rain out. I could hardly see the road. So I was driving to my friend’s house, and all of a sudden I heard a big POP. I pulled over and got out of my car, went to look and I had a flat tire.  So I called my friend so that he could help me because it was dark out and raining. When I told him what happened he laughed and hung up the phone on my face. This was when I realized that I couldn’t count on friends, but that I could count on my family.

            So what do I do, I call my brother that I just got into a fight with. I explained to him what had happened, and he told me that he was on his way. It took him no less than 15 minutes to get there, and he helped me out. We removed the tire and put the spare tire. At first I thought that it was going to be weird between us because we just got into a fight, but it wasn’t. It was like we weren’t even mad at each other. That to me proved that there’s a much stronger relationship with family and that they are more reliable than friends.

            I learned that day, that there are no such things as friends but acquaintances. But there will always be family. They are the ones who you can count one. There’re the ones who you could get into a fight with and they would still help you out. Families are the ones that you should trust, and the ones that won’t lie to you like your friends do. Families are the ones who show up at the hospital when you’re hurt or if you’re sick. Families are the ones who give you unconditional love. Family to me is important, and I don’t know who or where I would be without them.

I believe in family over friends.

post write
I don't know if I should 've started my opening paragraph talking about friends or if I should start it by talking about family.

Diagnostic Essay

   

 

     Technology  today is very advanced and it keeps on advancing throw out the years. Everyone uses it in there daily life. Either it’s a cell phone, a laptop, I-pad or any other technology. There are some people in the world that cant go without . Although technology is important and helps us a lot, there are some down falls. Not all technology is reliable and it doesn’t last for every.
    I don’t think I could be in a school that didn’t have books. I think having books are better than have electronics devices . First of all they are expensive, and not only that if it breaks on you then you wouldn’t have books for class.  Or even some people don’t have money to be buy these devices. Also you would have to spend more money on fixing it or even buying a new one.  With those devices books don’t come free you have to buy them which that is more money out of your pocket. Another thing is after you graduate what are you going to do with all those book on your device, I wouldn’t want then on there taking up space.
    Even thought technology is in and everyone uses it I still think books are better. In order to use most electronic device you need internet, and internet isn’t always reliable. Sometime internet is down for couple of minutes or it can be down for a couples of days. But if you have books they are always there 24/7. It’s a reliable source. It also has things that aren’t even on the internet. To me, if I had an electronic device I think I would be on face book rather than paying attention to the teacher. Also when I look at a computer screen for a while, the light starts to hurt my eyes.
    I think that if people back in the day didn’t have technology like we do today and they did fine with just books then we can to. Yeah its good that we have computers and other high tech. things but I don’t think we should change the way we learn. Books are very helpful even more helpful than the internet.