Krystal Bettencourt
The Person I look up to.
Throughout
life people go through experiences. Yeah some are planned and carefully
organized, but some happen because it’s meant to happen. But some stick with us
and some we live and learn from. A Portuguese man, that came here from the Azores’
that didn’t know much English. That is a hard worker, respectful, kind, brave, and
loving is the person I look up to, my dad.
Ever since I could remember my dad has
worked is but off for everything he has to day. He said “I have been working
since the age of 16; I never went to school your grandfather had me working
with the cows and in the fields planting food.” And I believe what he says
because my grandmother used to tell me stories. My father never stops he’s
always doing something. The thing he says all the time is “As long as I can do
it, I will do it.
Even
though my father wasn’t here legally he still worked. He would do side job for
people he knew after work or even on the weekends. I use to get upset because
my brother and I would hardly see my father because he would always be working.
But then he got married to my mother and he became legal here in the United
States.
After being here for so long and working
so hard like he does my father has his own business. He does construction. He does
everything; well to me I think so. He can build a house, he does concrete, and
he always has his own plowing business to for the snow.
One day my dad was working and was
cutting wood on a table saw and he cut his finger. My is so brave that he tied
cloth around his finger and took himself to the ER. When he got there the
doctor said that he was crazy bringing himself. My father cut his middle finger
and half of it was hanging off. But not once did I see my father cry. But I was
crying because I was nervous and scared and I will never forget what my dad
told me he said “Krystal don’t worry dad is fine this is nothing, it’s just a
little thing, I’ll be back to work in a few days.” And he was right, not even
week goes by and there’s my dad at work with his workers.
Not once didn’t I ever here him complain
about anything. He never complained about his finger hurting or how his finger
never went back to normal. Till this day he doesn’t complain. He was always
positive about everything. He never lets anything get to him just like he said “In
one ear out the other”. This man is brave, loving, respectful, hard worker, and
had a lot of courage. This is why my father is the person I look up too and I’m
not ashamed to say it.
Post
Write
I feel very strong about this piece of work because my
father is someone special to me. There is no one who can compare to him. He is
one person I can look up to because he came here with nothing and now has his
own business and is doing well for himself and his family.
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ReplyDeletePeer Review:
ReplyDeleteIn your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
This assignment was asking the writer to create a 500-700 work piece based on a written portrait of someone not only of interest to themselves but for the potential interest of others. Using creative writing you was to “paint” an interpretation of the subject’s meaningful experience. There was some type of research element that was to be incorporated into this piece, this type of element was achieved by interviewing the subject as a primary source.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
This piece showed that the writer was really interested in the subject; in this case it being her father. There were plenty of quotes made by the subject that gave the piece more of a tone as to the credibility of who this person was, example “As long as I can do it, I will do it.”. The introduction is relatable to an aboard audience, however it could use some work on more of a creative lead, kind of like a tease. There was the use of small anecdotes throughout the piece, example “day my dad was working and was cutting wood on a table saw and he cut his finger. My is so brave that he tied cloth around his finger and took himself to the ER. When he got there the doctor said that he was crazy bringing himself. My father cut his middle finger and half of it was hanging off. But not once did I see my father cry. And he was right, not even week goes by and there’s my dad at work with his workers.” This portrayed that her father is a hard working and brave person willing to go through anything to support this family. The fact that the writer explained about the subject not even having the legal rights to live here, and starting from pretty much nothing to having a good life for him and his family engages the reader with the misleading impression.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
The first thing that caught my eye was some of the simple errors of missing words or text-like slag, which isn’t hard to fix. Another thing that I could understand but wasn’t quite clear was the interpretive thesis. There were plenty of points and emotion showing who the subject was and what they meant to the writer but there was not a single meaningful point. It seemed to be a bit of a challenge using someone that was really close to the reader on a personal level because there was just so many attributes that the writer wanted to incorporate, instead of elaborating on a single interest.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
I think the use of a more creative lead and a more defined interpretive thesis will really give this piece it’s “color”. What made the subject want to start their own business? Was it a dream of his, was it just something he felt like needed to be done, or did it just happen? Where did the subject get his great work ethic and bravery? Was it learned from when he was a child from his father, or an inner passion?