Family
over Friends
I believe in family over friends. Everyone has friends.
They might be people you have known for your whole life or just a couple of
months, or even people you look up to. Friends are people who you share a common
interest with and people who you share memories with. They are people who you
can talk to about problems or can help you when you need something. Friends are
usually people who you can count on, right?
On a cold winter day I was having dinner at my brother’s
house. Mt brother and I got into a fight, and I stormed out of his house. I was
so aggravated that I was driving like a nut. I wasn’t paying attention to the
road and had tears coming down my face. On top of that it was pouring rain out.
I could hardly see the road. So I was driving to my friend’s house, and all of
a sudden I heard a big POP. I pulled over and got out of my car, went to look
and I had a flat tire. So I called my
friend so that he could help me because it was dark out and raining. When I
told him what happened he laughed and hung up the phone on my face. This was
when I realized that I couldn’t count on friends, but that I could count on my
family.
So, I call my brother that I just got into a fight with.
I explained to him what had happened, and he told me that he was on his way. It
took him no less than 15 minutes to get there, and he helped me out. We removed
the tire and put the spare tire. At first I thought that it was going to be weird
between us because we just got into a fight, but it wasn’t. It was like we
weren’t even mad at each other. That to me proved that there’s a much stronger
relationship with family, and that they are more reliable than friends.
I learned that day, that there are no such things as
friends but acquaintances. But there will always be family. They are the ones
who you can count one. There’re the ones who you could get into a fight with
and they would still help you out. Families are the ones that you should trust,
and the ones that won’t lie to you like your friends do. Families are the ones
who show up at the hospital when you’re hurt or if you’re sick. Families are
the ones who give you unconditional love. Family to me is important, and I
don’t know who or where I would be without them.
I believe in family over
friends.
post write
I think my paper is good. i believe that i put all the requirments that were on the checklist.
Hi Krystal:
ReplyDeleteI like the repetition that you use at the end: I found that quite effective as a stylistic quality: glad to see you try that out.
Now, I think I know your thesis/theme here. But as you see from my comments below I sense that the opening is a non-starter, literally: it simply misleads your reader. Do you see that? You'll need to replace that opening paragraph, I believe.
The narrative works pretty well and shows how the belief came to be. I suspect that might want to tamp down the generalization that there are no such things as friends: that doesn't seem a reasonable position to take with your reader, does it?
And be mindful that this essay isn't just about you; it's also about what your reader needs and wants, okay?
Can you develop your postwrite, providing more detail and illustration?
why the shift to "you"? you have
whom: who you share a common interest with
I must say I'm confused by your opening paragraph, which seems at odds with your thesis and title (are you being ironic?): I believe in family over friends. Everyone has friends. They might be people you have known for your whole life or just a couple of months, or even people you look up to. Friends are people who you share a common interest with and people who you share memories with. They are people who you can talk to about problems or can help you when you need something. Friends are usually people who you can count on, right?
why the shift to present tense? I call
This seems a rather hard and generalized statement, no? that there are no such things as friends but acquaintances.
whom: who you could get into a fight with
I like my opening paragraph because alot of people think of friends thats way, but then when somethings happens their not there. also i wanted to write about how friends are and what they mean to poeple and do the same with family.
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